Here is the list from my past video series (view Part 1 of 4 by clicking here):
20 Things Your Grieving Friends and Family Want You to Know In no particular order.
- Please talk about the person who died.
- Offer specific ways to help, or ask what they need.
- Don’t give advice. Alternatively, tell them what has helped you, which may or may not be what they need.
- Talk less, listen more.
- Be very patient with their grief process. Don’t say anything to rush them – they would like it to be over more than anyone! The reality is that their grief will never completely end, though it should get easier eventually.
- Don’t say anything to help them feel better. More often than not, you’re trying to make yourself feel better about them.
- Be willing to be a companion, but be flexible when you’re together. You might just sit quietly together.
- Allow the tears.
- It can help to do “regular” things too. But, again, be flexible.
- Acknowledge that the big days are hard, and acknowledge that the small days are hard.
- Don’t act like you’re there for them when you’re not.
- Don’t tell them you know how they feel.
- It’s OK to remind them of the good things in their life, but don’t even approach these until you’ve acknowledged the hard things.
- Don’t offer spiritual help beyond prayer unless you know them well enough to know they appreciate it, and don’t offer any spiritual help unless you’re also supporting them in other ways.
- Help them find a therapist or support group if you can and if needed, but continue to be there for them as you’re able. It’s normal to need professional help while grieving.
- Don’t tell them they’re strong or about how good they look. Don’t act like they’re OK to make yourself feel better.
- There’s no right thing to say. Actions speak louder than words.
- Don’t stop checking in.
- Don’t stop giving gentle invitations to be included.
- Don’t just keep them busy.