Societal and familial conditioning alters our perceptions of how we view the world, alters what we believe is most important, alters our decision making and primarily alters how we view ourselves. It's as if our whole internal reality is shaped just by the stances we were given. Scary huh?
Just take a second and look back on your life. I think you'd be amazed that some of the choices you made, retrospectively, were impacted by your upbringing. However, It’s not until we let go of those skewed perceptions, that we can ultimately create the lives and relationships that we want.
As with most, my interpretation of the world was also quite warped. At an early age, in order to feel loved, worthy or even validated by others, I had submitted myself to this never ending obsession with obtaining prestige. It consequently became the only way I knew how to seek the attention I craved for. Now, I bet you can imagine the type of trouble I got myself in… Lol. But seriously, at that time nothing else mattered , literally literally nothing.
That being said however, today I am so thankful. I look at my life and see how much has changed especially, in the past 7 years. Due to my child programming and my never ending need for success, I became homeless, lost all my money, all my relationships and have rebuilt my life from scratch. But, here is a brief snippet before all that happened, I met the man who I thought was the love of my life. He was sweet, passionate, was there for me like I ever known before in someone. I was drawn to his personality and we got married 6 months later. However, during a very troublesome relationship, (not just from our relationship conflicts but, from outside sources as well) it was to be known that he was emotionally unavailable. It had come to a point where I had felt very alone in this marriage. I was not a priority, It was very hard for him to communicate with me on any relationship matters, vulnerability scared him to the point where I couldn't even really get to know his family or friends, and our emotional connection was just very stagnated. There was one week where he even just left and he never even told me where he went. I felt frustrated at times, hurt, wondering what I had did wrong, tried to chase him at times to get him to talk to me etc, etc.
Nonetheless though, It wasn't till after we separated that I realized that I needed him to validate my worth for me because I myself felt unlovable from others. My skewed perceptions had truly taken its toll. Since I couldn't gain the success that I wanted, and I felt invisible as a result, I subconsciously needed him to fill that void in myself. Additionally, I was attracted to the emotionally unavailability because I wasn't even really available with my emotions. I may have known who I was as a person, but I still needed to continue with my inner healing. I had to become whole in myself, learn to emotionally take care of my needs and realize that I am responsible for my happiness. Overall, I had to learn to become someone that I loved, so I could have the relationship of my dreams.
One of the reasons why I became a relationship coach at Health Coach Institute was because I am passionate in helping others with their relationships. Being that I have gone through a similar situation, I want to be able to help others find their authenticity by honoring their needs and helping others have the relationship they truly crave for.